Week three is actually going to be split between two countries; Chile and Peru...and once again I am writing from my iPod so bare with me. Up first was Santiago, Chile where I spent four days total checking out the sites and sounds. The flight in was actually pleasantly uneventful. Tracy and I were even lucky enough to get on a newer 767 equipped with personal wide screen on demand entertainment systems that allowed me to watch all but the last 15 minutes of Burn After Reading. It's always a good sign when you're pissed that you have to get off the plane earlier than you want...a feeling usually reserved only for Jet Blue flights.

After arrival, we took a taxi into the Marriot which Tracy was able to secure with her baller rewards points thanks to all of her consulting jobs in other cities. The room had a spectacular view of the Andes which more-or-less surround the city. After setting our stuff down and partaking in one of the wines we bought from Argentina we decided to head into town to grab some dinner. We decide to take the insanely clean subway to the Bella Vista district of Santiago that suffers from being labeled as touristy but in my opinion still had quite a few locals. I sometimes tell myself these things in order to cope with the fact that I am a total gringo. My meal was good and tasted like a home cooked roast beef. Tracy seemed to know what the best thing to order was though and she ordered this incredible corn dish that was cooked in some stone bowl. I'm beginning to see a trend down here in delicious tasting dishes coming in stone containers. We also had some wine which was the most expensive on the menu coming in at a little over $10! We went home in a taxi ride from hell (details of that story are to be forgotten and never mentioned again as they put a damper on the trip) but make it home to the safe haven of the Marriott which apparently can only be understood by cabbies if you roll the r's of the Marriot.

The next day we decide to take it easy and sit by the hotel pool for awhile and ordered breakfast and beers poolside. The beer in Chile definitely beats out Brazil and Argentina, not that that's a difficult feat. After chilling at a hotel probably longer than anyone should when traveling in a foreign country, we decide to take a trip into the central area of town to check out some more sites. Turns out there isn't a whole lot to see, a nice central square with old men playing chess, a fountain with kids swimming in it, and a European knock-off church built relatively not that long ago. Slightly disappointed, we decide to go grab some drinks in an area that is known as being similar to sixth street in Austin called calla Pio Nono. We get there and it is similar in that there are a ton of slightly sketch bars with super cheap drinks but different in that everyone sat on the streets under umbrellas instead of inside listening to hits from the late 80's and 90's.

Tracy and I drank a few too many Escudo 1.6 liter beers for $2 a piece before we head over to a Irish pub for dinner. There we get the traditional Irish/Chilean fusion food of fajitas and a pitcher of beer which both weren't that great but for two slightly intoxicated people, were amazing.

The next day we wake up, slightly hungover (at least I was) and we head over to Bicicleta Verde, which is the name of the company that was taking us on our bike tour of local wineries (see above picture for simulated wine tour photography).

On the way to the tour, our cabbie was very talkative and was obviously keen on practicing his English. We began discussing music after telling him I lived in the live music capitol of the world when somewhat coincidentally I heard a musical anomaly that I had never before experienced: a song with Peter Gabriel singing lead (no surprise there) against a backup singer with an even better (dare I say angelic) voice that was unmistakably that of a young Phil Collins. What this was, mi amigos, was a Genesis song before Peter Gabriel left to pursue a less inspiring, one might say drab, solo career. While this might seem insignificant to most, the very fact that no one remembers or even hears any Genesis song prior to Pete's exile used to be one of my many weapons in an arsenal of reasons why Phil Collins is the greater musician of the two (this being a randomly common debate amongst myself and friends). After hearing this (probably most famous) Gabriel-lead Genesis turd of a song, I can happily report that I have an even better weapon in my arsenal in the fight for Phil.

Anyway, we get to the bike shop and meet Carlos, our tour guide, who kind of looked like a guy who could have been a part of Aerosmith in their earlier years (when you see the picture you'll probably say "yeaaa kinda, I guess"). Turns out he was an actor, professor, tour guide, and (very) soon-to-be father who grew up in a smaller town in Chile but moved to Santiago over a decade ago. He took us in what he called a free tour of a small suburb outside Santiago but what really was a long search for our third tour-mate (not sure what the actual term is) who somehow opted for the unknown pick-up option. After circling around and getting several "free tours" of the same exact block we finally found Belle from Venezuela who was a friendly and talkative entrepreneur who was visiting her father's side of the family whom she hadn't seen in years. She interestingly seemed to take pride in the fact that her home country, Venezuela, was currently ruled by a very corrupt government dictated by an eccentric Hugo Chavez. Though I think she generally meant most of her statements to this affect as a sort of 'let's make light of a bad situation' type joke, half the time they crossed the fence into what I registered as a true affinity for being what she self labeled her home country as: "currently the most corrupt and dangerous in South America". At the time I thought it kind of strange, but as I write this I can't help but think of the numerous times I claimed to be from the Flint area and went to school in the Detroit area to build a little street cred; while both of those statements are true, Corunna and Ann Arbor are far cries from Flint and Detroit respectively.

After discussing the various differences between Latin American countries (a disliked and too general of a term to Carlos), we finally made our way to the first winery of the day. There we traded our four wheels for two (or I guess eight since there were four of us) and we made our way through the beautiful landscape of the winery all set in front of the Andes mountain range. As we made our way past irrigation lagoons and fields of various grapes, Carlos divulged more information about wine and grape harvesting in the first 15 minutes of his tour then I had learned in all of my previous wine tours put together. He continued his rampage of information when we got to the second winery which was known as the baller winery with its reserve-wine-only rule and randomly its dozens of really expensive horses used in Chilean rodeos. At the third winery we actually got to try some wines (I'll get back to this later) and also meet with the owner, Mario, who was extremely good humored and also made some incredible wine, most of which was organic.He let us drink straight out of the fermenting bins and told us that we would owe him a million dollars if we let a single drop spill, so we had to concentrate and get our glasses ready for the wine as soon as the previous glass was full.

Though I now owe Mario a couple mil, he continued to be very friendly and gave us more information on how he makes his wines and what it means to be an organic wine (actually no wine can be 100% organic because the fermenting process always requires some chemicals (sulfites) so the term 'organic' mainly refers to the grapes themselves as well as the limited degree of chemicals used in the process). We all sat down and had a bottle of his latest organic Cabernet Sauvignon called Amicus which bore a rather trendy looking dogs paw logo on the bottle. When asked about this fairly unusual design, he explained that the name amicus was derived from the Latin (and later Spanish) for 'friend' (think 'amigo') and what animal is a better friend to man than a dog? I liked the name and story but more-so, I liked the wine (so much that I'm now lugging three bottles of it through the rest of my trip).

While Carlos went back to pick up the car so we wouldn't have to ride our bikes back while slightly intoxicated, we discussed with Mario about various things like our work, weather, politics, Chilean, Venezuelan and US politics, conquistadors, Tracy's possible employment at the winery and several other topics that I think ended with all of us having a very mutual respect for our different cultures.

Before heading out to our lunch destination, we stop by Mario's adobe house which was beautiful in it's own right and pick up our aforementioned bottles of wine to lug around. We said our goodbyes and then headed to a restaurant where we enjoyed some traditional and delicious Chilean dishes as well as a few more bottles of wine (including one from the first winery we were at). Unfortunately we never got to try a wine from the second baller winery which I have to think is probably the only problem with this otherwise perfect tour. I can see why they didn't want us biking around streets after having a ton of wine glasses but at least give us a sample at the end!

As we made our way back to the hotel, I look out the window and see a tall blonde guy that is what looks to be a dead ringer for Andrew...as we get a little closer I notice a shorter brown haired girl at his side and realize that this guy doesn't just look like Andrew but is in fact none other than Andrew himself...with Natalie at his side. Tracy and I were both extremely surprised to see them since we didn't expect Andrew until the next evening and we never expected to see Natalie at all. Turns out we just got our information mixed up and unfortunately the by product was Natadrew having to wait in the Marriot lobby more than any sane person would want to. Honest mistakes aside, Natadrew headed off for dinner while Tracy and I passed out from the wine.

The next day it was down to just Andrew, Tracy and myself as Natalie had to catch her flight back home, forming what Tracy would later call the Poo Crew (sparing details on that etymology to come). We spent our final full day in Santiago doing some fairly touristy things and thankfully throwing in some beers here and there to help liven the site-seeing up. After finally getting my debit card back (no more depending on Tracy as a suga momma), we started with some tasty breakfast where Tracy got the ball rolling early by ordering a pisco sour. We then headed up to the top of San Cristobal to see Mary on top of a mountain. Let me tell ya folks, if you're in the market for looking at Christian figures on tops of hills and mountains, look no further than South America cuz they have it in spades. While the religious aspect of the hill was once again less than important to me, the view was pretty spectacular and slightly surprising since I didn't think Santiago was as large as it is. Now, if there could just be a separation of church and view, I would be a little happier.  What was extra exciting about this one is that it randomly smelled a lot like pancakes there and even the statue looked like she could be holding a few short stacks.  Below is a picture of Andrew and I eating the imaginary pancakes on the hill.

After our trip back down the hill we headed back to Pio Nono which was already thriving with people eagerly tipping back their giant $2 Escudos so we thought we would join them and bring Andrew in on one of Tracy and my favorite local activities. Feeling a little more relaxed, however still pancake-less, we head over in the direction of museums determined to go into the first one we came across. The closest museum we found happened to be the fine arts museum which was actually pretty cool in basically one section (the second floor if you happen to be in the area). The rest wasn't really too impressive: strike two for Latin American museums.

Before heading over to our planned dinner location, we stop in for another drink and get some fairly cruddy empanadas (a trend common anywhere outside Argentina). We then begin our monstrous hike in the direction of our restaurant which in the end turned out to be closed...much like everywhere else on the street besides a lone Starbucks. Not wanting to wait, we decide to hail a cab back into town to find the spot where we planned on watching the college football national championship game, featuring Austin's own UT Longhorns. We head into the bar aptly named California and decided to wait the three hours before the game by doing a little tailgating (i.e. drinking beers). To pass the time, we decided to play buzz, the drinking game that we would later find out to be popular amongst both the Chileans and Peruvians (albeit a watered down version where only 7s are buzzable). When the football game finally came on, the bar was packed with Americans who happened to be in Santiago for whatever reason and the three of us were feeling pretty happy. The game turned out to be an excitement rollercoaster that really only had two hills and a brick wall at the end; or rather two brick walls: UT losing the game followed by the realization that we had to wake up in three hours to catch our flight to Peru...turns out that last pitcher of beer on our way up the second hill was a bad idea.

Miraculously, the three of us we make it out of bed and stumble to our plane that takes us into Lima where we are once again staying at a very local and primitive lodging facility thanks to Tracy's rewards points...to take from the late, great Mitch Hedberg, I won't tell you where we stayed, but it did involve two trees. After settling in a bit we head to the streets to check out our area and also to search for various food and medical supplies as well as a much needed laundry mat. The later ended up being right across the street so Tracy and I decided to take advantage and handed over our entire travel wardrobe that would be ready the next day. Once back at the hotel, I came upon a fairly obvious but completely overlooked issue with handing over our whole wardrobe - I didn't have anything to wear on the next day. While generally this wouldn't be a problem, and for many travelers, this is a fairly common occurrence, however I was going on a bike tour the next day and I was wearing jeans...not to mention that I was already wearing a shirt that earlier that morning had barely won the "this smells the least offensive" contest with my other shirts and which I had wiped chocolate off of in my hungover stupor. I'll spare you the details of the undies and the socks cuz the main point is that I needed some new clothes. Luckily, you need only to think the idea of going shopping and Tracy will be on board, so I looked up a spot for us to go which was a mall called Larcomar that was built into a cliff right on the ocean. I ended up finding pretty much everything there even though it wasn't necessarily my style. I now own a shirt and shorts from some Peruvian surf-boarding company called Dunkelvolt...they're killer awesome brah.

We got back to the hotel and decided to crack open one of the Amicus bottles and eat some cheese that Andrew and I had picked out earlier that day thanks to a random friendly cheese sampler lady at the supermarcado. When we opened the fridge to get the cheese, however, it smelled worse than the car ride home from Wurstfest '06 after I had eaten one too many sausages on a stick (only Andrew will be able to fully appreciate that statement...sorry again Andrew). Being the sophisticated cheese connoisseur that we are however, we had no problem with eating the obviously intensely flavored and palette-challenging cheese...after of course we took some pictures with Andrew holding it near his butt and me pinching my nose cuz it was rank. At about this time, Tracy's old friend from her days in France and current resident of Lima, Pablo, and his wife Jessica, walked in to what had to be the grossest smelling hotel rooms they've ever walked into (note that after a few drinks we confirmed this fact with them).

We finished our stanky cheese and headed to Huaca Pucllana where we downed a ton of amazing food including ceviche, papas rellanos and bunch of other things that Tracy had to take pictures of. We also drank a few Pisco, Coca and Maracuya (passion fruit) sours which were basically different mixers with Pisco liquor. After our dinner we headed to an area of town that had a bunch of really interesting bars that were almost like a larger, more interesting east sixth Austin in their style. The first bar we went to, called Santos, even had a unisex bathroom that you could more or less see into. The...holy shit, I'm writing this in El Salvador and there was totally just an earthquake...WTF!! Ok that's over...phew...the second bar we went to was basically an old mansion converted to a bar and we stayed there basically until it closed down which left us nothing better to do then head home. Lima, you have so far impressed me.

The next day, Tracy and I (Andrew flew to Cusco that morning) went on a bike tour of Lima that lead us around the coastal side of the city and included both the mall we went to the day before and the bar area that in the daylight (and no-drinks-light) was slightly less interesting. The tour was good and fairly informative, but Carlos had set the bar pretty high for bike tours so this one wasn't quite as exciting. We did however get a free snack or beer (guess which we opted for) and met Dan, a friendly tourmate from Canada (sorry "friendly" and "from Canada" is probably redundant). We also happened upon a guy from South Africa who is apparently the local Lima Leslie minus the cross-dressing.

After the tour, Pablo and Jessica picked us up for lunch which was at Pecados Capitales which was apparently the best seafood in town. This was no lie; we tore through ceviche, octopus, scallops and various kinds of fish that was out of this world. It easily claimed the top restaurant of the trip and unless Enrique, the cook here in El Sal, can whip up something to blow my mind, it's going to hold that spot until the end. We also enjoyed quite a few beers and a tasty Peruvian white wine that Pablo had brought. We once again closed the place down since it's only open for lunch (the reason, we found out later, was because the chef gets the seafood in the morning and thinks that by dinner it is not fresh enough).

After a quick pit stop at the doubletree and laundromat to pick up our clothes, we headed into the town center where we got a taste of the Lima architecture which was really incredible and most notably: well lit. I don't know who they hired to light the outsides of their buildings but I hope they paid a handsome sum cuz this guy knows his Spanish colonial exterior lighting shit like none other. We parked the car And then randomly did a bit of wedding crashing at the church where Pablo and Jessica were planning to get married (note that if you're name is Jessica and you're reading this, you are most likely engaged right now as this was the third Jessica to tell me she was engaged in the last three weeks). What's interesting here is that the doors to these catholic weddings are wide open and you can just walk in and sit down for a ceremony for complete strangers if you happen to be in a creepy-stalker mood on a Saturday night.

We left the wedding and headed to a water light show that I'm already laughing about as I'm about to type it out for it comes with a couple random funny stories (also I've been drinking beers ever since I felt the earthquake's aftershock to calm myself so I'll laugh at most things). Anyway the water light show was basically a large park that had a ton of really cool fountains and lighting on said fountains. They also had a huge centerpiece fountain that had an hourly show much like the Bellagio in Las Vegas. The difference, however, is that at the Bellagio they tend to play opera or some Celine Dione bullshit to try to make it artistic...here in Lima, they played such symphonic masterpieces as an instrumental (possibly MIDI) versions of "Fill Me Up, Buttercup" and "That Way" by the Backstreet Boys...all of which was accompanied by lasers straight to your eyes. Sing it with me, "tell me why!? Ain't never gunna seeeeee again. Tell me why!? Lasers to my face are no mistake. Tell me whhhyy? I only can heaar you sayeeyay...cuz hearing hasn't been affected thaaat way".

Another favorite time was when two girls pulled me out of the crowd to take a picture with me...a phenomenon not seen since the forbidden city in Beijing. Tracy, always loving to see me get undeserved attention, grabbed my camera and told them that she wanted a picture of them (I'm assuming there was some eye rolling involved as well). All in all though, the park was actually pretty cool albeit a bit Disneylandish.

Pablo and Jessica dropped us off back at our place after stopping to get us a few Peru musts: cheecha (a sweet purple corn drink) and Inca Cola (which tasted exactly like bubble gum mixed with cream soda).  The next day it was off to Cusco, Peru where we started our Machu Picchu adventure. Meanwhile, here in El Salvador, it's time to find Melba who needs to bring me another cerveza so the ground shaking can be blamed on my mind and not shifting tectonic plates.

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